So I had this quick thought about Paul: I think that for most of his life, even before God spoke to him, he was probably trying to peruse God with an incredible intensity. As a Jew, he was of the most pious. I imagine he pursued God with a reckless abandon. it was simply so misplaced that he began killing others who he believed stood opposed to God's holiness. To him, persecuting Christians was not sin - he didn't believe he was doing wrong before God - but was actually right before God, was what he was called to do. Not often does God speak to those whose hearts are not open to Him, and though God spoke to Paul in a radical way, I think it might have been because Paul's heart was receptive to God's.
I may be completely wrong for I have never met Paul, nor am I a historian or Bible scholar, but it is an interesting point to ponder. And here's why:
Like Paul, we easily make Christianity a war against others based on our ideas of morality. We think ourselves morally superior to others, and instead of loving them, we treat them as our enemies in our pursuit of self-fulfilled righteousness (which is really not righteousness at all). This has happened in the church throughout history at times such as the crusades, and more recently in a "battle" that many in the church fight against homosexuality. But the core of the issue is, as always, the battles we fight in our hearts. When we judge others, we have turned what is only Good News into a war. We have traded love and grace for condemnation and hate.
Don't hear me wrong. There is a war ragging. But it is a spiritual war fought against the powers of darkness, not those who adhere to a different set of morals than us. As Don Miller put it: In war you shoot the enemy, not the hostage.
God demands our utmost trust. And the trust He desires is not a trust that is based on convenience, not a trust that gets us the material things we desire, not a trust that has a fall back plan, but a trust that He alone will satisfy all that our soul really desires.
And here's the issue we have with trust: it takes risk. And to minimize our risk, we always try to have a second plan. But that's not what God wants. If trusting Him is plan A, but we have a plan B ready if He doesn't follow through like we thought He was going to, that's not trust. We haven't really trusted Him at all.
Let me give a Biblical example of the trust God demands. It starts with a promise to Abraham from God that He will make a great nation out of Abraham's descendants, but the problem is that Abraham's wife is infertile and in her eighties. There's no way that they're having kids! So Abraham and his wife create a plan B. Abraham impregnates his wife's servant and has a son named Ishmael who becomes the first born and legal heir to Abraham. But God tells Abraham that this is not his plan, and that Abraham's wife Sarah will become pregnant at ninety years old. Sarah laughs and Abraham tells God that he is satisfied with Ishmael as his heir. But God doesn't change His mind and Sarah becomes pregnant with a son, Isaac.
When Isaac is born, Ishmael is sent away. I think this is also according to God's plan because of what God asks Abraham to do later. When God tests Abraham by asking him to sacrifice his son, Abraham has no plan B. Isaac is his only heir; Ishmael is gone. And in demonstrating the trust we must show, Abraham is willing to give his son to God. It's a complete trust in God: there is no back up plan.
I pray we can live in a way that has no back up plan; a way in which we risk everything on God. We gamble all on Christ, knowing that it's not really a gamble, but we must also prove it by shattering any plan B's that we've created.
I don’t ever, ever want to simply be a good person. That sounds like mediocrity to me and I will have none of it. God spits lukewarm people out of his mouth. Being a good person is not good enough for a God whose holiness is so magnificent that it is impossible for a human to be witness to the sheer power of it and live. Moses cannot even stand before God’s glory (Exodus 33) and I would consider him even more than a “good person.”
So being a good person doesn’t cut it. It’s not good enough for a perfect God. (Romans 3:23) And besides, if we’re honest with ourselves, we really aren’t very good at being good people. The Bible says that it’s even worse than that. We are broken people, sinful people, bad people at our core. That is our identity (Romans 5).
But this was before the death of Christ. Christ died for the sins of the world and with him, I was crucified as well (Galatians 2:19-20). My sinful flesh was killed. Sinner is no longer my identity.
But it gets even more beautiful than that. Not only was I crucified with Christ, but as he was raised from death, I was raised with him (Colossians 3:1). When my sinful nature was killed, a new nature took it’s place. The core of my being was changed, and I became a new person (2 Corinthians 5:17). I found a new identity. I find myself not under the curse of Adam, but under Grace that is purchased by the death of Jesus Christ. My identity becomes one who is “in” Christ (Romans 8:1). And if I am in Jesus, God cannot see me any other way than with Christ righteousness. And Christ’s righteousness is perfect. This is why we can be called holy (Colossians 3:12).
And this is the only way that we can be acceptable to God. Not by what we do or earn, but by His Grace. By our acceptance of and faith in his overwhelming Grace. And not only acceptable to God, but “holy and dearly loved.” Sounds a little better than being just a “good person” to me.
Here's a lifeless pulse,
Windless breath.
Mindless thoughts,
A forceless death
… a spiritless soul?
And then You exhale
Warmth on my lips
My lungs expand
My chest rips
Open to You
And you reach in,
Grasp my heart
And then begin
To squeeze and relax
Squeeze and relax.
I'm on my back
When a heart attack
Threatens to wake
My spiritless soul.
My blood thaws,
Begins to flow
With Your blood now
Your body for mine
A hope for life
Takes form in my mind.
Here's a thumping pulse,
A resounding beat,
Inspired thoughts,
Breath trembling and sweet
… A spirit-filled soul?
Weak but strong I stand
By your name alone
My purpose in life:
Make your glory known.
"Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30
Our society portrays meekness as one of the least desirable traits. If you are meek then you are nothing more than a mouse of a man. But I believe meekness is something entirely different. If the Son of the God is said to be meek, then it must certainly be a quality worth striving for!
I believe to be meek is to forget yourself and in that same moment drop all pretenses, exposing your soul with all it's imperfections. If this is the case then meekness is not a thing for the weak at heart and also not a thing that can be done without Christ.
And there is a deep inner peace in this meekness. We labor to keep up our facades that please us and men, but if we learn from Christ we will find rest from this exhausting game. For He is humble and not trying to win the approval form any but His Father. That is what makes His yoke easy and burden a featherweight. This is what will refresh our souls.
So I was in the shower this morning washing my hair, when I noticed the shampoo was labeled "intense damage therapy." I thought to myself that it would be really nice if something like that came in a bottle but was made for the soul. I think a lot of people would probably use it.
And then I realized that there's something better: it's called Grace; it's called Jesus.
What a brokenness -
Here's a cry of hopelessness
These pieces are shattered
Is all that mattered
Nothing?
My heart is bleeding
And my soul is screaming
A tear burns
As my being yearns
For more...
Is there hope for salvation?
A chance at redemption?
Can I be made whole
When all that I know
Is pain?
It is only through a Love
Raining gloriously from above
My hope is in Grace
And a Savior that took my place.
This is hope
This is salvation
This is love
This is redemption
This is my strength, my light, my All.
This is my God.